A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.
Proverbs 11:25
Just after World War II, a young American psychologist was struggling with the focus of traditional psychology on treating people by finding out what is wrong with them. He simply asked the opposite question: “What happens if we focus on what people do right, on their strengths?”
Near the end of his life, Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D., wrote How Full is Your Bucket. In it, he set out his Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket. Here is an excerpt about the theory:
Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what others say or do to us. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful.
Each of us has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets – by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions – we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from other’s buckets – by say or doing things that decrease their positive emotions – we diminish ourselves, emptying a bit out of our buckets.
Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us a positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us strong and more optimistic.
But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy, and undermines our will. That’s why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us.
So we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It’s an important choice – one that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health, and happiness.
From How Full is Your Bucket, Tom Rath, Donald O. Clifton, Gallup Press, New York, 2015, p. 5.
So, there you have it. Now the question remains: are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper? Do you create castles of hope or prisons of hopelessness? It’s a choice that only you can make.
Four Things You Can Do
1. Prevent bucket dipping. Start by asking yourself if you were adding to or taking from the other person’s bucket in each interaction.
2. Focus on the bright spots, what is going right. That doesn’t mean avoid the negatives – they are part of the daily life around us.
3. Give spontaneously and sincerely. Giving can be simple and doesn’t have to be anything big or tangible to be successful. It can be a gift of trust or responsibility, a smile or something worthwhile you read that will help someone’s day.
4. Pray for someone you think may be experiencing a challenge of some type. Praying is actually a form of mindfulness which is known to help release the ‘feel good’ hormones in our minds.
Think about the week ahead. How can you fill your own bucket or someone else’s bucket? How many buckets can you fill today? And tomorrow? And the day after that?
How long will it take to become a habit, a natural way of interacting with others?
Only you can find out because . . . it’s always your choice!
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